The afternoon sunlight slanted through the classroom window, striping the desks with warm, lazy lines. The lecturer's voice echoed in the background, but Thabal wasn't listening. Her pen lay idle on her notebook, her eyes fixed blankly ahead. She hadn't written a single word in the past fifteen minutes.
While Shreya very contrast to her personality, noted down the explaining as she knew Thabal won't be writing any today. Outside, the familiar hum of the campus swirled around her, students chatting, bikes rumbling past, a bell ringing in the distance.
And beneath it all, one thought, constant and heavy. Would he be there? She didn't want to admit she cared. Didn't want to admit she had been watching the clock all day. That when the class ended, her heartbeat quickened, just a little.
Because this was the time. The time he usually came.
The time she used to find him standing by his jeep, waiting, leaning casually like he had all the time in the world, like she was the only person he was there for. And now. Now she wasn't sure.
She packed her bags and walked out of the class when her professor called her.
"Thabal" she turned back to face him. She wanted to respond back but nothing came out.
"Is something wrong? You don't look well. You didn't even concentrate on the class today nor took any notes. Kuch huwa hai?" He asked gently. Thabal paused for a moment before shaking her head in no.
"Nahi sir, sab thik hai. Woh bas thodi si tabiyat kharab hai" she murmured. The professor nodded at her.
"Khyal rakho. Have medicine and take rest" he said with a comforting smile. She nodded in return and muttered a 'thank you sir' before walking out of the class with the two.
For the first time they walked out of the building quietly without joking and chattering with each other. Thabal clutched her bag, the late sun painting her shadow long across the ground. Her steps slowed as she neared the gate, her eyes scanning the usual spot.
Empty. No jeep. No Vikram. Just a few auto-rickshaws lined up, drivers calling half-heartedly to the students. She waited a few seconds longer than she should have. Pretending to adjust her bag. Pretending to check her phone. Maybe traffic, she told herself. Maybe he's late. But he wasn't coming. Because she'd told him not to. She had looked him in the eye and asked him to stop. Asked him to let her go. And Vikram as always had listened.
Tears prickled at the edge of her lashes, but she blinked them away quickly. She couldn't cry here. So she walked towards the waiting shed and sat there. Shreya and Meera approached her and sat near her silently.
It was weirdly silent just between them. The environment near them were noisy but for them everything felt silent. After few moments of mum, Meera finally asked.
"Nahi aayega woh?" She asked slowly. Thabal stayed quiet for few seconds. She looked at the road again.
"Pata nahi" she muttered slowly. Meera didn't anything further.
"Jaghra hogaya?" Shreya asked this time. Hearing this Thabal sighed, her heart heavy with pain and guilt.
"Asa hi kuch" she said slowly. Almost inaudible.
Then the silence continued. Stretching between them more. 5 minutes. 10 minutes. 15 minutes. 20 minutes.
And the time continued running. All the students slowly disappeared from the area. Only very few people and them were present outside the gate. The watchman occasionally came to see them if they went or not.
"Thabal" sherya murmured softly.
"Yaar I don't think so aayega. Chalte hai" she tried to convince. Thabal didn't said anything for few moments, just kept mum.
"Thoda rukho. Dekhte hai" Thabal mumbled. Trying to convince herself along with her friends. What if he came late and she missed it? He would think she walked away.
The watchman peeked at them again. This time shouting.
"Aare madam kab ghar jawoge aap log. Humme bhi jaldi ghar jana hai. Aap please jayiye agar koi kam nahi hai toh" he yelled irritated. Thabal just lowered her head at it.
Meera sighed and placed a hand at her shoulder.
"Sun, chalte hai. Watchman bhi bhaga raha hai aab toh" she tried convincing. And this time Thabal stood up walking slowly out of the shed. Because she knew, he won't be coming. And why would he come? She herself shooed him away.
One step after the other. She past the gate. Past the memory of him waiting there. Past the feeling that maybe he would still change his mind. Each footstep was heavier than the last. When she finally reached the corner, she turned once, one last glance over her shoulder. Still nothing.
That's when it hit her. Really hit her. He wasn't really coming. Not because he didn't care. But because he respected her enough to let her go. And that. That hurt more than if he would walked away in anger.
But the selfish part of her had hoped he would stay anyway.
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The hostel room was dim, bathed only in the soft amber light of a study lamp. Outside, the evening had settled in, birds chirping, the occasional burst of laughter from the hallway, a door creaking shut somewhere nearby.
Thabal sat on her bed, her knees pulled up to her chest, head resting lightly against them. Her roommates were laying on their own beds. Occasionally glancing on her, checking upon her mood.
She sat there all tired. But not the kind of tired sleep could fix. Her phone lay next to her pillow, screen dark. She hadn't received a call from him. She hadn't expected one. And yet, she had still hoped.
Thabal reached out and picked up the phone anyway, almost without thinking. She didn't open any apps. She just held it in her hand, as if that small weight could ground her, pull her back from the storm swirling inside her chest. She wanted to cry. But the tears refused to fall.
Instead, a strange hollowness filled her, the kind that only comes when you've done the right thing and it still hurts. Her mind drifted to his voice.
A silent ache bloomed in her chest. She lay down slowly, curling onto her side, hugging the pillow to her stomach. Her thumb moved, unlocking the phone and opening his contact. She gently touched his contact. She stared at it for a long moment. A tired sigh escaping her lips.
She hovered her finger over the call button but didn't tap on it. Because reaching out now would be selfish. She had pushed him away, told him to stop showing up, stop waiting. And he had respected that. The least she could do now was respect it too.
Her screen dimmed. She didn't turn it back on. She just lay there, in the dim glow of the lamp, surrounded by the quiet that once felt comforting but today it felt empty.
She released a shaky sigh. Her eyes started watering on it's own. She closed her eyes shut to blink the tears away but instead more pour out. A slow sniff escaped her nose slowly. Her lips wobbled threatening to cry out but she bit on her lips to stop.
Suddenly she felt her bed dipped slowly. And then a pair of warm arms engulfed her. Raking over her arms gently.
"Shh! Calm down" Meera muttered gently. And Thabal cried more. Wetting her pillow in the process. One thing she hated was, she gets more emotional when someone comforts her while she is crying.
After a moment Meera made her turned to face her. She slowly made her sit up. Thabal sniff softly, tears still running down her eyes. She just lowered her gaze, didn't looked up at all.
Shreya who was sitting near her, wiped her tears off her cheeks gently.
"Abhi shant hoja. Bohot ganga yamuna baha liya tune. Abhi khulke saaf saaf bol. Aakhir huwa kya hai" she asked, caressing Thabal's hair gently. Meera sat close too, placing a hand on her shoulder.
"Dekh, we are more than just friends man. We are family. And family ko sukh dukh nahi bolenge toh aur kisko bolenge. Just say it ki baat kya hai. Tumhare aur sir ke bich kuch huwa? Bara jaghra? Ya woh chomu ne tujhe dump kiya?" She asked, her tone getting aggressive at the end.
Thabal shook her head at that. She heaved a shaky sigh.
"M-meine hi bola tha unko ki aage se mera picha na kare. Na hi pick up and drop kare" she muttered, her voice small and low.
"Hain??? But kyu??" Shreya suddenly shrieked as if not believing what she just heard.
"Bhai sona mila tha. Treasure karna tha, bhagana nahi tha" she shook her head with a groan. Immediately earning a glare from Meera which made her mouth shut immediately.
Thabal looked up this time, eyes red and tear. She shifted and wiped the corner of her tears hastily as more fell down.
"Kal subah j-jo mama ka call aaya tha. I don't know woh subah subah asa bolti nahi but kal she scolded me badly picking on my character and saying that meine modestly dress nahi kiya. It's just to woo other boys and shit" she narrated. Shreya made a face of disgust listening to it.
"Also she said ki society ke samne nak mat katana. Dusre jaat ke ladke ke saath mat rehna. A-aur usmein woh sab hai jisko meri family bilkul approve nahi karegi" she narrated futher, tears of helplessness running down. Meera squeezed her shoulder in a comforting manner, urging her to continue.
"Yaar m-mujhe usko khud se dur nahi karna tha. Lekin nahi karti toh baad pe jo hota i wasn't ready to face it. Mere liye bhi, uske liye bhi. Mere parents ko apni ijjat bohot pyaari hai. Agar kabhi kuch hogaya family ki reputation ko leke toh mujhe ghar se bina kisi jhijhak ke nikal denge-"
"Yaar ase kaise nikal denge. Pagal hai kya woh log. Tu unki choti beti hai, itna bhi apni beti ke liye nahi karenge?" Shreya intervened in angrily. To which Thabal sighed in defeat.
"Yaar tu nahi samjhegi. Me-mein-" she hesitated before saying. Feeling both eyes on her.
"M-mein. I wasn't the wanted child always. Mein g-galti se hogayi. Mere parents ka plan bas meri didi tak hi tha. But I was unplanned. And mama wasn't ready for me. She thought mein aagayi hoon, agar mujhe jyada attention diya toh didi ko bura lagega. Toh woh unpe dhyan deti thi jyada. Leaving me crying all alone. I-it was a bit okay till my 5th birthday. But 6th pe when i started understanding things better i don't know suddenly the love I was getting vanished. Papa ka toh tha. Untill I was 10. Fhir he also started acting unfamiliar like mama" she inhaled a breathe in, wiping her tears off.
"Only didi, dadu and dadi loved me and cared for me. Lekin dadu aur dadi bhi chal base. Mein hamesha sochti thi mama aur papa mujhse pyaar nahi karte kyuki meine hi kuch kiya hoga. I use to try to come first in everything just so that merepe bhi woh attention de. Parai pe toh aagayi lekin sports and extra curricular activities pe mein piche reh gayi thi. Lekin didi ka uss chiz pe aacha tha. Toh they always scolded me and taunted for this. Saying how much better didi was aur mein unki naak kata rahi hoon. Sab normal hi chal raha tha. Everything. Wahi roj roj ka daat. P-par-" her voice cracked in between, a small cough escaped her lips. Shreya immediately grabbed a bottle nearby and passed it to her.
Thabal grabbed it and gobbled down few gulps to her dry and aching throat. She wiped the corner of her lips and looked at them who were waiting for her to continue.
"Mera 10th ka result aagaya tha. Science pe 98 mila tha. And I always wanted to be a doctor since dadi passed away. But meri family ka legacy law se tha. Each and every member was a lawyer except mama. Toh they wanted me and didi to carry the legacy too. Didi ne toh karliya lekin ek mein hi thi. Tumlogo ko kya lagta hai mein ase hi idhar aagayi?" She let out a slow humorous chuckle as she said it.
"Teen thappar khake idhar aayi hoon. Unke per parke, khud ka self respect kuchal ke. That day mama slapped me for the first time that too thrice. I convinced her to not let their names down. And NEET crack karliya pehle attempt pe. Kyuki I know if I don't they won't trust my ability anymore. They won't allow me to attempt it anymore. But medical was the only way to connect with my dadi" she muttered with a sigh.
Meera who was listening to it parted her lips slightly open.
"Bhai mujhe lagta tha ki meri mummy meri choti behen ko jyada pyaar karti hai and biased hai. Teri baat sunke mujhe meri mummy bhagwan lag rahi hai" she muttered. Thabal didn't said anything, just listened.
"Mere bachpan pe koi dost bhi nahi the. I was the introvert child. I always sat at the corner with no one's contact. Kisiko bhi mujhse baat nahi karni thi because someone out there spreaded a rumour saying I was adopted that's why my parents don't come to any of the meetings nor loves me. Mein na hasti thi na muskurati thi. Agar mere old classmates mera abhi ka version dekhte toh pehchan hi nahi pate. But you people accepted me, although I was a stranger you two made me feel home. And pehli baar mujhe laga mera bhi koi dost hai, koi khyal rakhne wala hai" she looked at them, eyes misty. Shreya clutched her hand in return, providing a silent comfort.
"Aur hamare ghar yeh intercaste marriages nahi hote. Agar huwe toh kya hoga bhagwan jane. Ghar se toh hamesha ke liye nikli hi jawungi. Society bhi mujhe galat bolegi aur papa kya karenge woh hi jane. Jyada huwa toh mar hi denge" she muttered slowly, her eyes looking up to the ceiling.
"T-toh tune shadi tak ka soch liya?" Shreya asked hesitantly to which Thabal didn't respond immediately.
"I can't be fooling around with him Sherya. Humne bas koi naam nahi diya jaise hum hai. But we know better, even if we didn't said anything. It's very deep and complicated" she sighed at the end, burying her face in her hands.
"Bhag nahi sakti kya?" Meera asked, to which Thabal let out a hollow chuckle.
"Bhagi na toh dhundhke gar denge. He can do anything for his reputation. Aur mein hu hi kon jiske liye he would show any ounce of sympathy" she spat bitterly, eyes burning. Meera didn't said anything more, just rubbed her shoulder in a comforting manner.
"Toh aab kya karegi?" Shreya asked.
"Pata nahi yaar. Mujhe kuch nahi pata. Samaj nahi aa raha kya karu kya nahi" Thabal muttered, her voice breaking in between.
"I-i fucking feel guilty for hurting him and pushing him away. Lekin we don't have a happily ever after. Agar uske saath rahungi toh jo kand hoga. But he was the only one who brought me genuine peace and m-mujhe uske saath rehna tha. I wanted to feel the attention on solely me for the first time. Meri nashib pe shayad khushiya jyada der tak tikti hi nahi hai" she let out a shaky breathe, tears gathered in her eyes.
"Shh! Koi baat nahi. Tu chinta mat kar. Kismat pe huwa toh tu fhir uske saath hogi. Chinta mat kar" Meera hugged her and comforted her.
Thabal let her tears fall and closed her eyes gently. There seems no way now. She already closed her gate of happiness. Vikram was her favourite chapter which eventually ended. She needed to flip the page out of her will.
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Hope you liked it
Stay safe sweeties🌷🦋
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